You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
