I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
