I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I cockslap morals
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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