THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
a search helicopter?!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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