ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
