When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
