I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
