Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What a dumb baby whore.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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