I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
