Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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