It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Someone shattered a urinal.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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