I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
