You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
