So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
