I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
