There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
