I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize