I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
