and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
