He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize