i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
