Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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