I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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