I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
nutella sex= disaster
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
