Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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