guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
