ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
