I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
