He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I need to align my fucking chakras
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
