Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
