my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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