don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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