The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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