well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
