what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
