well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
