I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize