i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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