Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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