I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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