last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize