But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
