Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize