Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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