Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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