Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
