I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
