it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
