marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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