Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Two words: nipple clamps
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