who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
