Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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