I'm going to jail i love you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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