some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
