belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
