mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
