ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
