I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
