my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
