I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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