i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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