Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
