i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
