Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
