My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
