Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
