I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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