If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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