I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize