I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
