did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
