we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
