Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
