well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
