people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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