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i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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