I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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