Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
