Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
