The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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