I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
