high people should be assigned attendants
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize