it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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