Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
