Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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