I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
