You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ketchup is God's man juice
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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