watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
