My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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