I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
