Sry I called you an 8
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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