the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
