just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
