I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
