I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize