I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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