I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Say something about gay babies.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
