Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
