My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize