No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize