I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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